初恋 Scenario

初恋 Scenario

By : Prof.998

There’s this boy I like and he’s standing right here in front of me, maybe even just a centimetre away. He’s staring at another man, laughing and telling jokes and annoying the crap out of him, getting ready to step away and go home. All these people around me, all the friends I know are slowly starting to melt away, and I can only keep my eyes on him. I don’t want to admit it... but I know it’s true.
I really am an idiot for falling for him. =I
I guess there’s something that I can explain about this... thing. Something that I really enjoy about this person- something that I can feel and express, something more concrete than just mere emotions or biases. It’s a connection of the minds- a connection between people with more than just a light understanding of each other. It feels as though he knows me better than I know myself, and somehow, that doesn’t frighten me as much as it should. I like that he knows more than I do about myself.
It means he can see further than I can ever see.
Besides that though, there’s no real concrete way of describing my emotions about him. He’s a gentle soul despite appearances, and that’s all fine and good, but it still doesn’t explain anything. Maybe it’s just the way he talks, that makes me so shy and makes me want to open myself even more, until every part of my being can be seen.
It feels like a crush. an infatuation of some sorts, but the more I look inside myself the more justified this feels. I want to know him more and more and more until I can remember all the details about him. I want to know that his birthday is on the 21st of May; I want to know that he likes drawing; I want to know his deepest fears; I want to know what puts a smile on his face.
I just want to understand more and more and more, and it tears me up inside, knowing that I might never have the chance. Perhaps I just want to be happy to see him happy, perhaps it because I want to selfishly be happy, but I know that I want something.
I want to be something with him, maybe it is something more than just another friend. But maybe I’m just being stupid. If he’s happy, I’m happy; and if he decides that he’s better off without me, then so be it.
That’s what it means to love someone; That’s what it means to make sacrifices; That’s what it means to embrace love.