A Fading Dream

A Fading Dream

By: Rysaac

 “There’s this dream I keep having Rhys, and frankly it scares the hell out of me.”
 “You guys would just leave me behind, and I would just stand here like an idiot and let you all walk away with a smile on my face. A smile that hide the truth so well you thought that I was being serious and you continued walking towards the endless light in front of you.” I turned to look at the Rhys that dozed off on my bed, sleeping so innocently.
 “And, I don’t get dreams that don’t come true.”

 I suppose I could see it as a benefit that I don’t have to deal with the “friends” that I thought cared more for me, but there’s something lying beneath the surface that is far more scary and grounded in reality. I just lost the last group of people that remotely even cared about me, or at least, they tried for a tiny moment and then immediately gave up. They were the first group that even bothered to help me, even if the help they gave me damned me further into this spiral of despair.
 When you help someone and then you ignore them, what do you think will happen? Odds are they’ll just sink back into the darkness that you chose to help them with, but of course you’re too busy watching that Youtube video for the millionth time or playing games to bother. Oh but if someone invites you to play in that same time frame then you’re totally free. Why is it that I’m always the only one that talks to people and checks in on them? Why do I have to try so hard to fix all the relationships that we had?
 In the end, even Rhys, the guy I thought would care for me; the guy I thought would care enough to ask me how I’m doing or start a conversation with me instead of the other way around, even you left me for the guy who would willing joke about me killing myself. You were the last person I expected this from, as someone who understands how it feels to spend hours in bed just thinking about living the horrible life laid out in front of them, But of course, no one cares in the end.
 People only care when you die, then they start to spread “suicide awareness” or whatever the crap just so that they don’t have to feel guilty. Then, they move on not even caring about that very same depressed person around.
 Now, I truly have no one left to talk to. Not my schoolmates, not my online friends, not my family, just me, myself, and what’s left of the shell within me. I alone have to hold my pitiful excuse of a life together, while trying my hardest to not disappoint my parents who have done so much for me. I would beg for dreams of a life where I would have someone I could lean on who wouldn’t let go for once in my life. Alas, the kind don’t receive awards in life- only the successful do.
 I lay in bed again, this time hugging a pillow and my stuffed dolphin, instead of the one person that could understand me. Parents yelling from outside the room- already 9.00 in the morning, and I have to get my sorry ass up and go help them with their lives, while helping my other two vastly more talented siblings. I dreamt again the same dream. A nightmare so real that I could see it unfold before my eyes on my laptop- The fading messages, the constant ignoring of me, all signs that the inevitable was going to happen.
 But no matter, I’ll just put on the bravest face I have. No one wants to see the puppeteer behind the puppet of my existence anyway.